Thank you for reaching out. If by bad thoughts, you mean negative thoughts you have about yourself, which we all have at times, (and hopefully not suicidal thoughts, because then I would strongly suggest seeking professional help, or calling this number here. I have also included more helpful resources at the bottom of this post as well), I really think one of the only ways to keep them from consuming you is if you confront them head on. What is causing you to have these thoughts? Is it someone or something else that is triggering them? Or is it something rooted in your own internal conflict you have with yourself? When you know the root, or source of your negative thoughts, you can work to resolve them so that you gain control and take the power back over your mental health.
For example, if it is someone else causing you to have these negative thoughts, then removing that person from your life is healthier than staying in a toxic environment. But sometimes, it may not be so obvious to us because we have either allowed ourselves to become normalized to it, or we ignore it because we don’t want to see our “friend” in that light.
But it’s important to really think through your feelings and thoughts to pin it down, and figure out what you need to tackle. It may or may not be intentional, but if you do realize that you are being negatively impacted by someone, you need to be open and honest about it, so that they become more aware, or so that you know whether it’s a friendship worth staying in or not.
I am giving you a few scenarios, because negativity can come from different angles. We all have negative thoughts, and I would be lying if I said they will ever completely go away, because even if we get rid of the negative thoughts we currently face, new ones will somehow always make their way back in. That sounds really negative, and probably not what you want or are expecting to hear, but I want to be as real with you as possible.
Life can be negative. Life can be hard and cruel, and can push you when you’re already down. But it is also what we make it, as cliche as that sounds. We have to learn to be strong enough to combat any and all negativity by facing it head on, working through it, and pulling ourselves back up.
Trying to be positive, and speaking to yourself kindly is super important and helpful in building your confidence and strength, because sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Sometimes, we give into the negativity, instead of saying, “No, I AM NOT this or that. I AM worthy. I AM beautiful. I AM deserving of happiness. I AM smart. I AM strong. I AM capable.” Whenever bad thoughts come to you, you need to try and stop them in their tracks before you get too deep down that road, because it can be a dark and dangerous one to get lost in as one negative thought leads you to another.
The more you tell yourself positive things to counteract the negativity, and the more you bring positive energy to yourself, the more you will actually believe and feel it. It’s not denial. It’s courage. It’s choosing to be positive. It’s choosing to be happy. It’s choosing to love yourself. It’s choosing to give the power to all of the good things about yourself and your life, instead of the bad. It’s choosing yourself, your mental health, and well-being over everything else. You deserve to put yourself first.
Facing our insecurities and our doubts, along with the negativity we may experience from others, the media, or society in general takes courage. Don’t give others that power. Whatever negativity they spew at you, is a reflection of them and their own issues. In the case of the media and society, it’s a reflection of the hateful political agenda they’re trying to push. It’s never a true reflection of you, so don’t let it be. Don’t give into it, because then you’re giving them what they want. And they don’t deserve that satisfaction.
But facing our insecurities and doubts also helps us grow, because when you face those bad thoughts head on, you may find things that you do need to work on, but you should never do anything for anything else. You should always work on yourself for yourself because you want to, and because you truly believe you can. You will feel so much better when you take control of your thoughts and actions, and do what makes you happy, no pressure, and no strings attached. And don’t be afraid to be a little selfish. Take time for yourself so that you can recharge your mind and body.
Doing things you enjoy can also help bring more positive energy to you. Whether it’s reading, listening to music, watching a show, spending time with friends and family, spending time in nature, playing a sport, exercising, drawing, etc. Do more of what you love that makes you happy. There is good in everything and every day, but we just have to see the good. We have to embrace it, open our eyes to it, and appreciate it, instead of focusing on the bad. As one of my favorite influencers, Nabela Noor says, there’s pockets of peace in every day, but it’s up to us to find them.
So, remember to say Alhamdulillah throughout the day, especially after a bad thought creeps in. Because sometimes we are so much more blessed than we realize. That is not to say that our own troubles are not valid because others may be suffering more, or that we should feel guilty for feeling the way we do, but it can help give us perspective. It can help us realize that we are giving the negativity more weight or power than it deserves or needs.
I am not sure whether you are Muslim or not, and if you are, whether you practice or not, but praying helps. Talking to God and making duaa helps. It can be really therapeutic to engage in prayer and lift your struggles to Him. Even when not in prayer, talking to God can take so much weight off, and can bring you so much relief when you put your pain in His hands. And of course, reading the Quran also helps take your mind off, and turns your focus into something positive and beneficial to your well-being. .
If you aren’t practicing, or maybe not regularly, I know this may seem like one of those things you may doubt or question if it will really help you feel better, but it truly can, and it does not hurt to try. As with anything, you have to develop a connection, so it’s not really a one and done type of situation. The more you talk to God, the more you pray and read the Quran, and try to feel and understand the words in the duas you make, the stronger the connection and faith you will have, and the better and more at ease you will feel iA.
Finally, do not go through this alone. Confide in someone you trust, or even seek therapy if you feel you may need professional help, especially if it is easier for you to talk to someone that doesn’t know you personally. There is so much stigma around therapy, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. It can really do wonders to have someone who is there to listen to you, and give you constructive ways to help you get through whatever it is you’re facing or struggling with.
And of course, you can always talk to us. We are by no means therapists or professionals, but we created this platform to develop a community and sisterhood that girls can depend on during both the good and bad. So, we are here for you, always! Please don’t hesitate to private message or email us whenever you need someone to talk to. We are happy to help as much as we can!
I hope this advice will be helpful, and I wish the absolute best for you. You will get through this iA.
For anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts please seek professional help. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is available 24/7. The number is: 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK).
Here are also other resources to help you :
- National Suicide Prevention Chat
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741-741
- Crisis Chat
- I’m Alive
- Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
- Psych Central
- American Association of Suicidology
- American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
- Befrienders Worldwide
- The Columbia Lighthouse Project
- Covenant House (The 9 Line)
- Families for Depression Awareness
- The Friendship Line
- I’m Alive
- International Suicide Hotline Listings
- LGBT National Hotline
- National Parent Helpline
- National Runaway Switchboard
- Sage LQBT Elder Hotline
- Safe Place
- Self-harm Hotline
- 7 Cups
- Suicide Hotline Listing by State
- Suicide Prevention Action Network USA
- Suicide Prevention Resource Center
- The Trevor Project
- UCLA School Mental Health Project: Hotlines for suicide prevention and other crisis resources
- ULifeLine: Resources for college mental health
- Vets Prevail